The Toilet Paper Test

The other day I went to Wal-Mart, and as usual we were out of toilet paper so I decided to stock up. I usually buy the giant pack, which I still find embarrassing no matter how old I get. So I pushed my three wheeled cart (only three wheels work on any Wal-Mart cart) to the TP aisle, and started grinding my teeth over which brand to buy. I squeezed the Charmin, and counted the sheets in the Angel Soft pack, but then it dawned on me that I should just get the cheap stuff. You know, one ply, Scott. We just wipe our business end with it any way, and throw it down the toilet. None of it's cheap for the cause, but I figured this was a place I could really save us some money. We use the same amount of twirls on the roller regardless of how heavy duty the paper anyway. I am not usually so thrifty. I don't try to blow money, but I won't usually skimp on groceries. These days however, I have been jobless, half by choice, and half by pure bad luck, for 7 months, and figure penny pinching is my way of pitching in. I realize now that I should have stuck with college, got a real career, and all that. I am feeling bad about my predicament, but feeling bad or taking online courses is not going to buy fancy toilet paper, so here I am buying cheap toilet paper. I am too smart to have let myself be in this position, but here I am, nonetheless, wishing as usual I could take that coveted time machine trip. We do ok, kind of, but there are times when I want to be a Charmin Ultra girl instead of a Scott 1 ply girl. I applied for a job the other day, but in order to get an interview, I had to take an online personality profile test. I answered honestly, and failed it. Oh Lord! This is a blow to one's self esteem. I can tell you right now, the postal exam has this personality thing on it too, and it is completely retarded. I did however pass the postal exam. I have tried for five years to get a job in the post office here, which is severely understaffed, according to the superiors, but can not even seem to get my foot in the door. I'm surprised they even let me buy stamps. People seem to be whizzing about all around me, and I know I should be doing something, but what? If any of you know of a rewarding career for me in this dang town, let me know. Please. I would like to buy a ticket for that time machine trip too, if any of you know where those are being sold. I guess til then the only kind of tickets I will be buying are the kind you wipe your butt with. By the way, my husband did get on to me fairly harshly for the cheap toilet paper. He says it's like wiping with air. Too bad for him I got the biggest pack they had. Just for that, and for other complaints he has made recently, I mended one of his favorite shirts with a new sleeve button today, a hot pink one. Hope he likes it!